Monday, January 19, 2009

Screaming

Que el agua ya esta caliente! Que ya hirvio el agua!

Phone rings

Hi, oh my God! That’s awful. When did it happen? Oh, jeez
Yes, it’s true, we all gonna die
Okay, we’ll talk later

Screaming again

It’s dead now! The water is dead. It’s true, we waste too much water. And who cares about your stupid bath anyway?
I could be representing so many things at this mment. I could be meaning something
Have you been reading about mental illness lately? Do you know how it works? No, you don’t. Nobody does
We hope not to starve right?
Not to be tortured
Not suffer from illness, pain, injustice, heart break
We all gonna die anyway, but those two minutes that we are alive we want to be free. And the people around us to be free too. Happy, we are all happy
I prefer not to be killed harrased, tortured, sentenced to death,. And do not send me to war, cause I am not gonna fight
I stopped believing in God and I am running out of future, so I don’t believe in the future anymore
But everytime the sun comes up a new day starts and we feel hope again
Unless we’ve been devoured by the darkness already
I have
I used to be happy like a child
But we are dying, they are killing us, one by one
But I am here to make you happy, to give you faith in art and love and new forms
I want to be so post post modern
And I don’t want to be screaming. I want to murmur in your ear and make love
Let me give you some consolation. You don’t have to do anything. Stop accomplishing. You don’t have to accomplish anything
Look, the new thing in acting is to not act
The new thing about me is that you’ll never know which one is me

I am not acting, I am really dying, right here, in front of you
I tried before to kill myself, then I changed my mind. I am not just going to die, not kill myself, but stop existing

Ay estos latinos, mi dios, que tragicos que son, que melodramaticos!

- What are you trying to do? To make me feel guilty? Fuck you, fuck you. Go die in your basement!. I don’t need to see this

It’s too crowded in my basement. We are all dying in the basement! Nobody is going to notice if I die there!

Gosh it’s fun in there, we fuck and dance
How did I make it all the way here? I am free. It’s true, I shouldn’t be ungrateful. It’s thank to you that I am here
No, I don’t do drugs
I don’t pray, I don’t fast
There’s a lot of people marching. They are all leaving their homes and joining the huge march to end the wars, they are screaming and runing at last
I don’t want to die without seeing it. We talked too long already. They torture animals and people, even a flooding sounds better
They even believe in rapture. Their rapture
They took everything from us, god, earth, what is in here and what is in there
And who is them anyway? Who’s us?
I am the one cleaning your ass
No, I am not a nurse. But I should. To see you dying. Or them? Okay, them
I want you to hate me and throw stones at me
It’s you an me and 5 millions who don’t give a shit

I am going to dance to elevate your soul. I will show you my craft. I will prove you how beautiful a human being can be. I am healthy. I am alive. I am screaming and you are listening. There’s so much literature already. I am iliterate. I can’t even speak properly. And so what? You’ll go home and think, what’s next? And we all know so well what’s next. It’s all lined up for us. Waiting
One sip at the time. It’s just one more day at work, then we’ll take a break. There’s no more time for philosophy. Don’t analize me, we’ll march until we die. Because it’s all mashed up together.
It’s desperation I am talking about. It’s all the people out there, waiting. For us to do something about it. To help them. Do you know what is like to suffer and nobody knows? Nobody comes to help you. Nobody can hear you. Maybe we do. Maybe we can hear them. And that’s what’s making us sick, inside

Outside the realm of human-
people are different from humans. Gente es diferente de los animales

The bowel movement
The women’s movement
The dance movement

I am telling you, poetry dies when you are happy
I am telling you, it dies when you don’t care anymore
Or you have no more to say and you start repeating the same
Or when you feel burned out., no more. Did you make any change? So why do you continue?
I’ve been talking to you the whole time
I’ve been talking to you the whole time
It doesn’t matter if you don’t listen. Or if you are there at all
The important thing is
Actually, there’s no important thing
The thing is
There’s no importan thing
But it’s funny, it takes a lot of work to make you laugh
And what do I care if you laugh?
And who are you anyway?
It doesn’t matter as long as you love me or you hate me
Really, it doesn’t matter. This is actually about me
About me talking to you. Listen. Listen. I am no philosopher. I am no nothing. I walk. I walk. That’s what I do. I get tired. Phisically tired. Not even emotionally tired anymore. Everything goes so fast. When I was younger things wer moving slowly I thought. The old people, the children, everything was in one place as it was
Everything was more permanent, they were old, we were young. Then everything starts moving faster. People die, people grow, everything changes so fast, nothing stays in one place. We are not really much of anything. It makes sense to care you know. It makes sense. Break the space. Open a hole. For beauty, art. Come-on, scream, it’s art, it’s a protest, you are protesting now, and you are creating art, come on this is new york. I have to confess, I love New York. I have to confess, I…. mmm… should I say that? Snobby, pretentious piece of shit

Language! What a marvelous thing language
I am sure it’s knowledge that you are producing, poetry, politics maybe. Don’t mix up everything. We are here to witness the disaster.
The chaos, the disgusting injustice. And do nothing about it
It feels so burgeois to be thinking and acting and writing. If we would believe that this little moment that we are sharing. This little instant between you and me. If we believe that this little moment it’s important. If we believe in this instant, then we wouldn’t let it pass. We wouldn’t let it go. Now. Right now. In this little moment, we are being part of the universe. And we are together. For good or for worse, we are together. If I would tell you exactly what I think
It’s so good to learn how to lie, very useful
Let me tell you exactly what hapenned